


The Seven Deadly Virtues

by LibKat



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Lucifer Cross-Over, Or Tyrion fans, Post-Canon, Spoiler for Lucifer Season 4, not for cersei fans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:13:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26728000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibKat/pseuds/LibKat
Summary: Lucifer Morningstar is frustrated that Jaime Lannister isn't suffering properly in Hell.  What should a Devil cop do but investigate?
Relationships: Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister (past), Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50
Collections: Jaime x Brienne Week 2020





	The Seven Deadly Virtues

**Author's Note:**

> I’m late to the party with this. I hope I’ll get all the days completed by Sunday, but no promises.
> 
> This is a semi-Lucifer cross-over. If you are a Lucifan, I think only the Devil himself will be making an appearance, along with some minor demons. It takes place after the end of season 4 of Lucifer and post-finale of Game of Thrones.
> 
> Spoiler alert for the end of Lucifer season 4.
> 
> If you are unfamiliar with Lucifer, Hell is made up of individual rooms where each soul is tormented by the mistakes they made in their lives. The scenarios repeat endlessly because most people can’t recognize and correct where they went wrong.
> 
> Disclaimer: A Song of Ice and Fire, Game of Thrones, and these characters belong to a whole bunch of people who are not me. I will return them in better condition than the showrunners left them when I am finished playing.

“My lord,” one of the multitudes of interchangeable underlings called from the bottom of Lucifer’s throne. 

_I really must do something about the sound system in here. How can I get some peace and quiet if I can hear these fools no matter how far above them I am?_

Lucifer unfurled his wings and floated down to his minion’s level. Once, he'd known every demon in Hell by name. Now it all just felt like too much bother.

  
“What is it, then …” Lucifer waited for the oozing fire squid to supply his name.

“I’m Mikaeus, my lord.” 

If a gigantic, flaming, many-limbed demon could be said to grovel, this Mikaeus did it.

“All right, Mikaeus, why have you gotten me down here. I was in the middle of my morning brood.” Lucifer smiled, just to see the demon quake on his tentacles.

“He’s not suffering, my lord. No matter which of the planned scenarios we throw at him. He just doesn’t care.”

“Who doesn’t care?” Lucifer bit out. He’d given up everything to come back to Hell and rule these miserable wretches. The least they could do was their jobs.

“The Kingslayer, my lord. Jaime Lannister.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! I’ve had Jaime Lannister’s punishment set since he was ten years old. A spoonful of his father’s disapproval, a pinch of passive-aggressiveness from his brother, a heaping helping of contempt from his sister, and Bob’s your uncle. Jaime Lannister suffering 101.”

“And that’s what we’ve done, my lord. But Lannister won’t engage. I’m expecting him to throw a‘Whatever’ at me.” Two of Mikaeus’s tentacles formed a “W” over what would pass for his forehead.

“If he isn’t repeating his bad behavior, why hasn’t he freed himself and moved on?” 

Lucifer didn’t expect an answer from this dim demon, but this was a mystery. The whole point of Hell’s punishment was to keep humans repeating the bad decisions they made during their lives. If a human recognized and managed to break their cycle, the soul was supposed to move on to the Silver City. That had only happened a couple of times in the thousands of years Lucifer had been the ruler of Hell, but it had happened

“I don’t think he believes he should move on, my lord. He seems to want to be punished, but none of our torture scenarios are working on him.”

_A mystery may be just what I need. Nothing else interesting is going on down here, I swear to Dad._

***

Lucifer adjusted the placement of his sword belt. He’d forgotten how much he enjoyed Westeros’s non-period specific medieval garb. And how well it became him. Tight, black leather jerkin with buckles to hold it closed. Blue silk shirt underneath, open at the collar to show a hint of chest. Grey breeches tucked into black boots. Lucifer was the embodiment of a Westerosi man of action.

He stood before the door of Jaime Lannister’s cell and took a deep breath. Lucifer had not visited any of Hell’s inmates since he had returned from LA. Maybe that was what he had been missing in his misery over leaving Chloe and his friends behind. Getting his hands dirty might be just what the doctor (Linda, of course) would have ordered.

He opened the door and stepped into a Westerosi tavern, recoiling as the stench hit his nostrils. Holy Dad! He’d forgotten how badly King’s Landing and its citizens stank. 

But Westeros did have its good points, aside from the wardrobe. In this reality, he was just The Stranger, one of seven gods, with a small “g.” No one here thought he was the embodiment of evil or the tempter who led them to make so many terrible choices. The Stranger never got blamed for what humans didn’t want to own up to themselves. A little stink was an acceptable tradeoff for having all that blame off his shoulders.

Lucifer strode over to the bar. “An ale, my lovely,” he smiled at the barmaid and watched the color rise in her cheek as she did her best to show him everything that could be seen down the bodice of her blouse. It was a nice enough view, but Lucifer found himself uninterested. Other women didn't appeal since Chloe had said she loved him.

“At once, my lord.” 

Oh, yes, these were demons playing the roles in this scenario. The only other souled being here was Jaime Lannister.

Lucifer looked around and spotted the Kingslayer seated by himself at a table. In this scenario, his brother had just left him to pursue another of the tavern wenches. Jaime’s façade was to be both amused and appalled by Tyrion’s indiscriminate appetites. The scenario was meant to plumb the envy buried underneath.

Making his way over to the table, Lucifer took the empty chair before he even asked, “May I join you?” He waited for the prideful Lannister to eviscerate him verbally for daring to sit without permission.

The Kingslayer raised his face from the contemplation of his own tankard. He was still remarkably handsome, though weathered with years and unhappiness.

The Kingslayer had the look of a man in the depths of despair. His green eyes were dull, his mouth turned down, rather than twisted in the patented Lannister sneer.

“Seems you’ve already done so, ser,” the Kingslayer replied quietly, then went back to staring down into his tankard.

“Is the ale that bad, then, Ser Jaime? Should we punish the varlet who dared serve an inferior drink to the Lion of Lannister?” Lucifer leaned across the table to try and catch the Kingslayer’s eyes.

“The ale is well enough,” Lannister mumbled with a shrug.

Perhaps Mikaeus was on to something. Where was the fire, the arrogance of Westeros’s most notorious family?

“You look troubled, Ser Jaime. Sometimes unburdening yourself to a stranger can help.”

The Kingslayer’s head jerked up at the word “stranger.” He looked directly at Lucifer for the first time.

“I know where I am, ser. I know what I’ve done. I deserve to be in the Stranger’s hell if anyone ever has. Leave me to drink my drink and serve my sentence in peace.”

“So, you think you deserve to be punished?” Lucifer asked.

“Of course. I’m hateful,” the Kingslayer said flatly. There was no heat, no passion in his voice, just resignation.

Resignation wasn’t punishment. Lucifer was a punisher. It was his purpose, his jam. If a soul trapped in Hell wasn’t in torment, he wasn’t doing his job.

Jaime Lannister might be a distraction from the misery of missing his life in Los Angeles. An even better distraction than the cell phone Lucifer had left behind and missed every day. But first, he had to know …

It was mojo time. Locking eyes with the Kingslayer, Lucifer leaned in closer. “Tell me, Jaime Lannister, what do you truly desire?”

A look of unutterable sadness entered the Kingslayer’s eyes. “To be worthy,” he sighed.

“Worthy of what?” Lucifer kept up his intense stare.

“Of everything. Of her.”

Lucifer leaned back with a laugh. “I swear to Dad, is that all? You’re more than worthy of Cersei. A slug leaving a trail of slime across the ground would be more than worthy of her.”

“Not Cersei. Brienne.”

“Who?” 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, that’s a little shout-out to The Good Place. What can I say? I love Ted Danson.


End file.
